knit giant clown-sized wooly footbags.
throw them in the washer with very hot water.
Cross fingers and hope for the best:
Step 3 (optional):
make a before-and-after composite
for full comedic effect.
What, doesn't everybody measure their knitting
with a Biltmore stick?
(It just happened to be handy.)
And here's a rav link to full project details for felted slippers.
You may want to try it!
First it will make you laugh,
then it will keep your feet warm.
How many things can you say that about?